The Animorphs Meet the Director
by Tobias Mason Park
Summary: The characters from the Animorphs series meet with a Director at Nickelodeon, to discuss the upcoming television series. Needless to say, the goup isn't impressed by what they see.
1. Chapter 1

**The Animorphs…Meet the Animorphs Television Cast…**

"I just want to thank you—each and every last one of you—for coming to the studio today." The director said, beaming up at his most special quests.

It had taken him countless months, and a great deal of begging, but he had finally managed to locate the Animorphs. And his luck only seemed to get better: two high ranking Vissers of the Yeerk Empire, a member of the Chee, and the man who betrayed the Animorphs, had all agreed to come to the studio to discuss the future Animorphs Television Series. "I think you will all like what you're about to see here today." The Director smiled.

"What is it, exactly, that we will be seeing?" Jake asked, looking around the studio as he and his friends—as well as his enemies—followed the director.

"We're going to be showing you some concept designs; you know, for the Hork-Bajir and the Andalites…"

((What about the Taxxons?)) Tobias asked. He was perched on Ax's shoulder. Ax, at the time we had been walking, was in human form.

"Well…" the Director began. "I'm going to be honest with you guys; our budget is pretty low. We're not really what you would consider a _big budget network_, like ABC or NBC…"

"Wait…what Network is this?" Marco asked.

"This is Nickelodeon…" the Director answered.

The Animorphs exchanged a few nervous glances.

"So...a show based on our lives is going to be aired on a kid's station?" Marco said.

"Well…in a sense, yes." The Director nodded. "Though, our target audience will mostly be kids between ages thirteen and sixteen…so they can relate to the characters that they're watching on TV."

((But we've had to deal with some pretty heavy stuff.)) Tobias said. ((I mean, there's a lot of blood that's been spilt, a lot of battles that have been fought, and a lot of lives that have been lost as a result of this war…should kids really be watching something like that?"

"Oh, we'll be sure to tone it down a touch." The Director assured him.

((Meaning that you will be leaving out a lot of important information…just to please the parents of the kids watching your show?))

"I'm sorry, did someone hear something?" the Director asked, looking over his shoulder to find the source of this new voice.

((I'm the white rat sitting on Visser One's shoulder…I'm David.))

"Ah, yes." The Director nodded. "Well…while we will be leaving out some of your more…extravagant adveures—again, due to budgeting issues—we will be sure to leave in those events that are crucial to the series."

"So things like storming the G8 meeting as Elephants and Rhinos will be cut out, as if they never happened?" Marco asked.

"What about our adventure to the Nartec city?" Cassie asked.

"What about our adventure to the Iskoort World?" Jake asked. "We fought off an army of Howlers, most of us nearly died in the attempt. That would be cool to see on the big screen."

"Well…again, the issues that arise with our budget…" the Director replied.

((What about our liberation of Ket and Jara?)) Tobias asked.

"I'm sorry, whom?"

"They were the Hork-Bajir that we liberated from the Yeerks." Cassie said. "When we founded the Hork-Bajir colony?"

"What about our mission to the North Pole?" Jake asked

"What about that time we took a trip to the Jurassic period?" Marco demanded.

"It wasn't Jurassic…" Rachel said. "It was…Tobias, what was it?"

((It doesn't really matter.)) Tobias sighed.

"I do not think we were supposed to remember that particular mission." Ax said. "I believe that the event had been the result of a sario rip."

"Mr. Director," Marco said. "Do you know what a Sario rip is?"

The Director's blank expression, and later change in subject, pretty much answered Marco's question. Obviously, the Animorphs had been dealing with an amateur.

"Like I said…we shall do our best." the Director assured us. "But, I really want to show you what the aliens will look like."

The Director led the Animorphs and company to a small room down the hall from the foyer. They were all very excited to see what the Hork-Bajir would look like.

"Here we have it; take a look at our Hork-Bajir." The Director beamed, showing the characters the image of the Hork-Bajir design that would be used for this _brilliant_ television series.

I do not need to tell you that the Animorphs had been greatly disappointed by what the Director had shown them; that goes without saying. A lingering silence filled the room, and the Director was starting to get very, very worried. Nobody had complimented the design that he himself created. Sure, he could have used anyone of the designs that the _professional artists_ had run by him—the designs that still remained on his desk in his office—but he had been especially proud of what he had created.

"Well…it's a work in progress." The Director said, uncomfortably. "How about I show you what Ax and Visser Three are going to look like."

So the Director showed the characters the costumes for the Visser and the Aristh.

"I am sorry, Mr. Director." Ax said, looking at the blue mess that had been laid out before him. "But you said we were going to see an Andalite design…what in the world is this?"

"You don't like it?" The Director frowned.

"I doubt that anyone would enjoy this mess." Rachel said. She shook her head in a gesture of disapproval.

((Are you going to pass this off as a high ranking Visser of the Yeerk Empire?)) Visser Three asked. ((This is pitiful…pathetic…unrealistic, even for a poorly budgeted human broadcasting station…what delusional moron came up with this?))

"Oh…um…" the Director stammered. He did not want to admit to the Visser that it had, in fact, been he—the Director—who came up with the design for the two Andalites. "No one of importance…definitely not someone worth killing, I assure you…"

"Hey, Mr. Director; you could always pass these costumes off for Taxxons." Marco suggested, nudging Jake as though he had said something brilliant.

"Yes…of course." The Director scowled at Marco. Did anyone appreciate the genius of this network employee? Or would he be constantly hassled through the entire tour?

"I know what you would all like to see." The Director smiled. "Let's go visit the actors. I'm sure that you'll approve of our top notch cast."

The Director led his group to the trailers of the cast of the Animorphs television series. He was confident that this snarky bunch would be impressed by the group of _talented _young actors that he himself hired for their roles. Yes, each and every last one of them had been handpicked by our _competent _director.

"Ah, look; I see our Tobias right now." The Director smiled. "Christopher, oh Christopher!" the Director cried out, waving his arms to grab the attention of the man who would be playing our snarky nothlit friend. "I've brought some people that you would like to meet!"

The actor walked up to the group, wearing nothing but black: black pants, a black top, and a black leather jacket.

"Animorphs, meet Christopher Ralph."

"I'm sorry, who?" Marco asked. "I'm sorry, buddy. I've never heard of you."

((Hey, I approve.)) Tobias said. ((The dude could be my twin.))

"Isn't Tobias supposed to be blonde?" Rachel said, eyeing the actor who would be playing her love interest.

"Ha! I got you there!" the Director said. "I saw the cover of the Encounter. The character on the front had dark hair, not blonde hair."

"Yea, but Tobias was mentioned as being a dirty-blonde; not once, but many times throughout the series."

((How old is this guy, anyway?)) David asked. ((The Animorphs are said to be in junior high in the Invasion…unless I'm mistaken, this man isn't a teenager."

"Yes, but how many thirteen year olds do you know that can act?" The Director retorted. He was getting very defensive now.

"Alright, so we've got our Tobias." Rachel said. "Who's playing me?"

"Christopher, go get Brooke."

"Brooke Shields?" Marco asked, excitedly.

"Of course not, don't be ridiculous." The Director laughed. "We've got Brooke Nevin."

"Who's Brooke Nevin?" Rachel asked.

"I'm Brooke Nevin," said the actress. "I'm so excited to be playing _the _Rachel Berenson."

"I'm sorry, how old are you?" Rachel asked. She looked from Christopher Ralph, to Brooke Nevin, and back to Christopher Ralf.

"Well, I just turned sixteen," Brooke replied. "But I promise you, I can play a thirteen year old."

"Oh, I don't have a problem with you," Rachel said, eyeing Christopher. "Mr. Director; you realize that Tobias and I are _romantically _involved, right?"

"Oh yes, I do." The Director smiled. "I have read the books."

"And you realize that the significant age difference between Christopher and Brooke would prevent you from airing the kiss that takes place in book thirty-three?" Jake asked.

"Enough about bird-boy and Xena; let's see the handsome devil that will be playing me!" Marco demanded.

"Oh, I think you'll like him, Marco." The Director promised. "Christopher, go get Boris…in fact, just grab the entire cast…yes, even the secondary cast."

Within minutes the complete cast of characters had been present. The Animorphs, David, and the two Vissers stood before their counter parts with mixed feelings. Tobias and Marco seemed pleased with the actors chosen to play them; Jake wasn't bothered by Shawn Ashmore, though he would have been happy with anyone the Director had hired; Cassie and Ax were indifferent; while Rachel and the Vissers had been more than sceptical.

((So…this is your all-star line-up?)) David asked. ((Mr. Director, a majority of your cast is composed of virtual unknowns and a few people who have appeared on are you afraid of the Dark?))

"What's with the talking rat?" Shawn Ashmore asked.

((The talking rat is called David!)) David snapped. ((Who are you, big shot?))

"I'm Shawn Ashmore." The actor replied. "And I'll have you know that I am going to play iceman in the upcoming instalment of x-men."

((Big whoop pal. I've nearly eliminated most of the main characters of this series.))

"Who are you again?" Boris Cabrera asked.

((I'M DAVID!)) David cried. ((I was the seventh Animorph…I betrayed the group…I was trapped as a rat…I had a trilogy dedicated to me for heaven's sakes…have any of you even read any of the books?))

"I've read the invasion." Christopher Ralf replied.

"I've skimmed through it." Shawn Ashmore admitted. "I've been busy with my many movie and television roles to bother with a kids book series."

((I'm not going to be in the series, am I?)) David asked the Director.

"Well…the David trilogy was one of those events that didn't…really….seem…important…it just sort of…stops the flow of the series…"

((You know what…)) David said, hopping off the shoulder of the Visser. ((Screw you guys, I'm going home!))

((I too am leaving.)) The Visser said. ((I disapprove of this…Animorphs television series. I do not wish to be a part of it.))

"I'm out as well." Visser One agreed. "Don't bother using my name or image for your twisted little perversion."

"Well, I'm going to use her image anyway." The Director mumbled. "I'll just have her make a few brief appearances."

"Prince Jake, I am starting to have some doubts about this series." Ax said.

"I think we all are, Ax." Rachel agreed. "Maybe we should rethink this…what do you think, Jake?"

"I know what will change your minds!" The Director interrupted. "We will have the cast do a cold reading of our pilot episode!"

"Well, that shouldn't be too bad." Cassie agreed. "Come on Jake. How bad could it possibly be?"

**I would like to take the time to thank one of my readers, Sarah1281, for correcting me on an error I made. When I referred to the two liberated Hork-Bajir as "Dak and Jara", rather than "Ket and Jara"… and those names were preceded by the improper use of the word "the"…thanks for pointing that out, Sara.**

**I've made some more corrections to the stupid mistakes that I made. Hopefully, there aren't any others that I have missed. **


	2. Chapter 2

"Hi, my name is Jake…I wanted to tell you—to make this message—because, if anything should happen to me or any one of my friends…someone needs to know what's going on."

"Hold up, hold up, hold up!" Rachel said, waving her hand in the air and interrupting the cast's cold reading of the pilot episode of the TV series documenting the lives of the Animorphs. "What are we watching right now?"

"Well, it's the introduction to the series." The Director answered. "All the books start off with one of the characters saying, _"My name is so-and-so, here's my story._ Shawn, please continue."

"I can't tell you my last name, or where I live. All you need to know is that what I'm saying is real." Shawn continued. "This is a real place, a real town. It may even be your town."

"I'm sorry," Rachel said. "But I've read through your introduction, and it seems to me that it's going to take up more time then needed. The audience should know the series well enough to know about the war. Have you ever heard the expression, '_show, don't tell?_'"

"Yes, well…we felt that this introduction was the way to go." The Director snapped. "Shawn…you may continue! And, will the Animorphs please wait until after the reading to ask questions?"

So Shawn Ashmore continued his unnecessary introduction, making sure to tell the viewer's everything about the events that took place in the first book: the Animorphs' first meeting with an Andalite, the arrival of Visser Three, and the presence of the Yeerks on planet Earth. According to the script, the scene ends with Jake turning off the video camera abruptly.

"My name is Jake," Shawn Ashmore continued. "Half an hour ago, I was an ordinary kid…not anymore."

"HOLD UP!" Rachel cried out. "You're re-introducing Jake?"

"Yea, we just sat through two minutes of Shawn babbling, and now we hear _more_ talking?" Marco asked.

((And did Shawn just say, _'half an hour ago I was an ordinary kid?_)) Tobias said. He was still perched on Ax's shoulder. ((What…Jake didn't get any sleep after meeting Elfangor? Does the concept of night and day not apply to these Animorphs?))

"It says here that Jake and Marco are at the mall in this next scene," Cassie looked down at the script the Director had produced for the pilot episode. "But it says Homer is with them…Homer was never at the mall. And I doubt that any shopping center, anywhere in the world, would allow dogs to roam around freely."

"Then, it says that_ the dog runs out of the mall, with the Animorph_s _in tow_." Jake recited. "And Homer is supposed to what…lead us to the construction site?"

((I'm pretty sure it had been one of us that suggested we take the short cut through the construction site.)) Tobias said.

"Yes, well…you can't expect us to follow the books right to the letter." The Director explained. "We wanted to take a…creative approach. Sure, it may sound odd that a dog is running around the mall…"

"Very odd." Rachel interrupted.

"…but it allows for originality; that way, we aren't simply copying the direction and dialogue of the books."

"Doesn't Jake invite bird-boy to walk home with us?" Marco asked, completely ignoring what the Director had just said.

"And why does Elfangor bring out the blue box?" Rachel demanded. "I remember Elfangor asking Jake to go into the ship to get it."

"Again, we wanted to make some changes to the dialogue, to avoid copying Mrs. Applegate's original work."

"But you made sure to add, _Jake, take off your shirt?_" Marco asked.

((What's with this disk?)) Tobias asked. ((Elfangor never gave me a disk.))

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves an incorrect and improbable plot device!" Marco cried.

((I believe that this disc is supposed to be Elfangor's _hirac deltest_; his final statement.)) Ax reasoned. ((Am I correct, Mr. Director?))

"Sure…let's go with that." The Director nodded.

((But that doesn't make sense.)) Tobias complained. ((The _hirac deltest_ was briefly mentioned in the Andalite Chronicles, and even then, none of us had ever seen it.))

"Cassie never tripped on a piece of random rope…did she?" Marco asked.

"I never acquired Homer at the construction site," Jake added.

"Why are we at school in the next scene?" Rachel asked. "Jake said it was a Friday night spent at the mall in the first book."

((Prince Jake, why are there so many inconsistencies in this script?)) Ax asked.

"I haven't a clue, Ax." Jake answered. "And don't call me Prince."

((Hey, Mr. Director, did you make sure to put that into the script?)) Tobias asked.

"It says here that this episode is broken into two parts…" Jake said. "Why not just make the episode an hour long?"

"He introduces himself again!" Rachel groaned. "Right here, it says "My name is Jake."

"Apparently, Jake spends a lot of time walking around the neighbourhood." Marco said. "It says here that _Jake walks around the streets of his neighbourhood, eyeing possible controllers_…I'm pretty sure that we've already seen this is part one."

((My first morph wasn't a hawk.))

"When did Tobias go AWOL?"

"How did the Yeerks find out about the existence of the disc?" Cassie asked. "I mean, we are supposed to have seen in, but the Yeerks arrived afterwards; they wouldn't have seen it."

"We didn't paint the horse blue until much later."

"Are we going to see any cool animals in this show?" Marco demanded. "So far we've seen a hawk, a rat, a horse, a cat, and a dog…who are your animal trainers, that old couple in that painting of the farmer and his wife?"

"Actually, in one of the episodes, we bring in a lion."

"None of us have a lion morph." Jake replied.

((I did…you know, before I was trapped as a rat!)) David said.

"Well, you're not in the series!" the Director snapped.

((Yes, and that was your first mistake.))

"JAKE INTRODUCES HIMSELF AGAIN!" Rachel shouted. "That's four times in total; twice in part one, and twice more in part two!"

"The audience will need reminding." Marco explained. "The rate this show is going, they'll be tuning in and out every so often."

"You know what," the Director snarled. "I think we're done for the day. Please, sign on the dotted line and we'll continue filming the pilot."

"Oh no, Mr. Director." Rachel said. "You are going to sit here and listen to everything that's wrong with your show."

In fact, let's list all of the inconsistencies in part one and two of the pilot episode:

Jake claims that he met Elfangor thirty-minutes before, on a school day no less.

Homer is present at the arcade…stupid

Tobias does not follow the group to the construction site…

Animorphs chase the dog to the construction site…

Elfangor's ship crashes into a power line, rather than landing at the construction site intentionally…

Cassie or Rachel (does it matter who, in this show?) shout out, "He's hurt, he needs help" without knowing I) who or what is inside the ship, and II) if the pilot of the ship is even male…

Elfangor walks out of the ship with the blue box in his hand…

Elfangor throws a strange disc that may or may not be his _hirac deltest_

Visser Three introduces himself to Elfangor, and boasts about stealing an Andalite body, despite Elfangor having met Visser Three years before….STUPID!

Cassie never fell down…

Jake does not acquire and morph Homer at the construction site…

Jake is not the first member of the group to morph, Tobias was…

The Yeerks do not have identifiers whilst in their host bodies; example: Chapman and the nervous twitch at the construction site…

The night after the incident was a Saturday in the canon series, but a school day in this mess of a television series…

The discussion taking place at Cassie's barn is shown in the cafeteria…where OTHER PEOPLE CAN HEAR THEM!

The police arrive at Cassie's barn to discuss "children messing around with fireworks", and that is how the group comes to the realization that they cannot trust anyone…

Jake says, "My name is Jake…" four times in parts one and two of the pilot…

Tobias is the one who explains how morphing/thought speech works; as he was the FIRST member of the group to morph…not Cassie…

Rachel does not acquire a cat until episode two, the Visitor…

The Animorphs are visibly disturbed by Cassie demorphing…but she's an _estreen_, and reputed to making morphing look like "an art form…"

Tobias' first morph is not the red-tailed hawk, but his cat, Dude…

Tobias never had issues with morphing...

Jake is way too excepting of his role as leader…

Marco's father's name is NOT Jeremy…look up the second episode. Right before the Animorphs go back to the construction site to retrieve the non-existent disc, Jake goes to Marco's apartment and says, "Hi Jeremy…"

The first mission is the infiltration of a Sharing meeting…unless I'm mistaken. Instead, they go on a mission to retrieve the disc.

I'm not sure about this one, but I don't think the Animorphs try to pass off a horse as an Andalite…at least, not in the Invasion…

The Animorphs CANNOT morph clothing…

There you have it…twenty-seven inconsistencies in the first two episodes…Though, "My Name is Jake" technically counts as one episode, since it was, in fact, the pilot episode.

"There is no excuse," Rachel said, shaking her head. "The show had enough books to work off of…why you people chose to add and cut information is beyond any of us…"

"I don't think this is for us…sorry Mr. Director." Jake said.

"No, please!" the Director cried. His eyes welled up into tears, and a grown man dropped to his knees. "I have a family to support…I can't let them down again…I can't tell my family that I've produced another terrible show!"

"Wait…you've produced _other _shows?" Marco asked.

"I originally produced, wrote and directed the Goosebumps series…" the Director admitted.

"You were a part of that?"

((That explains all of the inconsistencies.)) Tobias said. ((I doubt if this man has ever read a book in his life.))

"Please, please," the Director begged. "I need this show to be successful…do you know how it feels when you watch your daughter's first grade production of the First Thanksgiving, knowing full well that it was better than _anything _you have ever produced?"

"I'm really sorry…but…" Jake stammered. "I can't allow this…mess to see the light of day."

The Director turned to Cassie. "Cassie, you know what I'm talking about," the Director pleaded. "You know how hard it is to let your family down!"

"Guys…I'm sure that the finished product won't be too bad…" Cassie looked at her friends. "I mean…look at him; he's a desperate man."

"Cassie, you've read the script." Marco said.

"I know it's…off, but still…we have to give him a chance."

((Do you recall what happened the last time you gave someone a chance?)) David asked. ((One word Cassie: me!))

"We don't need another David." Rachel agreed.

"Jake, come on," Cassie said, looking at the mess of a man crying before her. "Give him a chance…"

Believe it or not, this had been the most difficult decision that Jake has ever had to make; and Jake has had to make a few tough calls before. Only this time, Jake would be deciding the fate of a man's pride. And Jake chanced a look at this man; a full grown adult, weeping at the feet of a group of sixteen year olds. And that story about his daughter's play…Jake could imagine the humiliation that the Director must have felt…And Jake had watched a few episodes of the Goosebumps series…

"Alright, Mr. Director," Jake sighed. "You have one season."

"You will not regret this," the Director beamed, shaking Jake's hand like a madman. "I promise you all; the show will be a hit. In fact, I think that this series will be a cult hit."

…**Happy Thanksgiving, readers…**

**Oh, and if I missed any other inconsistencies, feel free to add more in the reviews. **


End file.
